“I’m Not Stressed!”

“You are very sick. Are you under a lot of stress?” The doctor leaned over my hospital bed, waiting for my reply. I responded, “I don’t think so.”

At 28 years old, I had – in six months time – lost my grandmother, with whom I was very close, and my father-in-law, who died in our home. The mother of two toddlers, I was also the caregiver for my mother-in-law through her aortic bypass. I was in graduate school while teaching full time. My husband’s health was failing and we were losing his business. That’s when I was hospitalized.

Self-awareness is an essential leadership competency – and I needed a reality check. I was not self-aware in that season of life. I was overwhelmed. Stressed. Burning out. And I didn’t even know it.

In the United States, stress is a critical plague. The Global Emotions Report 2023 showed that 49% of Americans experienced significant stress on a daily basis. In the 2022 “Stress in America” survey, over ⅓ of adults said that most days, their stress was completely overwhelming. Currently, work-related stressors are at the highest they’ve been since the early days of the pandemic.

Stress is real. Burnout is real. The burdens of health issues and grief and education and financial strain and early motherhood were all very real in my life. And yet I denied it to my doctor’s face.

For the next couple decades, I continued in my career as an organizational leader, completing my Doctorate in Strategic Leadership and founding several institutions. I couldn’t have successfully done it without some reality checks.

Max DuPree says, “The first job of the leader is to define reality.” I was not prepared to lead – myself or anyone else – sitting in that doctor’s office denying my reality. As I grew in emotional intelligence, I learned more about my own wiring, my needs, my strengths and weaknesses. I discovered how to sit back and give myself those reality checks.

Organizational change coach Susan Scott wrote about addressing burnout, stress, and reality in her book Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time. Scott provides exercises to help leaders and their teams practice reality checks. This is one: “Over the next twenty-four hours, practice describing reality accurately, without laying blame, at home and in your workplace.”

I’m so grateful to have learned this lesson. I learned to journal daily in a raw, unfiltered way. I reflect on my reality. I take a hard look at what’s going on, what I need, and what I do not actually need.

If you’re feeling a sense of burnout or stress overload, giving yourself a reality check is a great place to start. Remember, you can’t lead anyone – a team, your family, or even yourself – if you’re denying reality.

Dr. Teresa Moon, founding President and CEO of the Institute for Cultural Communicators, is an internationally-recognized seminar speaker, education consultant, author, and leadership coach. Each year, she travels globally equipping students, teachers, and parents to become “cultural communicators,” helping Christians get ready to speak as extraordinary communicators and authentic leaders.