Connecting to Your Audience Through Pathos
There’s an old story often told in the United States that goes something like this:
Once, a husband saw his wife preparing dinner and asked her: “Why are you cutting off the best part of the roast?!” His wife, a bit taken aback by the question, responded, “That’s how my mother always did it. I’m not sure why.”
So they called up her mother and asked. Her response: “My mother always cut off the end of the roast – but I never asked why. Let’s call her.”
So they did. When they questioned Grandma about it, she said: “Well, I don’t know why you cut it off, but my pan just wasn’t big enough to fit the whole thing in!”
Days before my speaking event in Indonesia, I was sharing this story to a friend there as part of my address. I was so excited to be speaking on cultural intelligence (CQ), something the global organization I lead values highly. I love using this story as an example, because it highlights our need for curiosity and critical thinking to grow in CQ.
But as it turns out, I needed another CQ lesson, too.
Instead of the usual laughter that greets the end of that story, my friend simply gave a confused look.
As it turned out, that tried-and-true story wouldn’t have resonated with my Indonesian audience. In that country, it wasn’t very common to cook with a roasting pan. And a chunk of meat as big as a roast isn’t typically found in Indonesian cuisine.
I’m so grateful my friend was able to give me an honest CQ-check. She truly saved me from some social faux pas and empowered me to come up with something that had more relevance for that audience. It was an opportunity to exercise my pathos.
Pathos is about our ability to put ourselves in the others’ place. It’s empathy, sympathy, and curiosity. It’s about genuine cultural intelligence. It’s something we intentionally pursue in my organization – but as my story reveals, something in which I always have room to grow.
As Christians, we have something that everyone needs to hear.
Those older, and those younger than us. Those from different countries and cultures. Those with different life experiences. Those from different industries, educational backgrounds, denominations, and expressions of faith.
When we’re really exercising pathos, sometimes we’ll realize that we need to let go of things that feel important. Things that don’t land for our particular audience.
My roasting pan story often felt like the “stickiest” and most memorable part of my CQ training. And yet in Indonesia, it would have been distracting and potentially confusing. By taking the time to replace it, I was serving my particular audience well and making sure they got the most out of the time they gifted to me.
To be truly ready to speak, it takes more than just knowing the facts (logos) and speaking with character (ethos). We need to truly connect with our audience. We need pathos.
Where do you see a need for more pathos in the world today? Share your thoughts with me in the comments.
P.S. We empower students and adults to speak with logos (competence), ethos (character), and pathos (connection) at our Ready to Speak conferences each fall. Learn more about them here!
